Where did I leave my peace?
I can kick off my NEW year, NEW month, NEW week or NEW day with so much enthusiasm and joy! What happens when your trudging along and all of a sudden you have lost your joy, your enthusiasm and most of all your PEACE?
I started out this week so very excited. I was energized and full of joy. Friday arrived and I was nerve wrecked, irritable, filled with major anxiety and grumpy as all get out. Hmm what the heck happened?
As we were closing up our work day, I told my sister I was sorry I was grumpy. She said “Oh that’s nothing new.” I said wait what? Have I been grumpy? “You get like this,” she says and we began to discuss the last time I was this way and it was for the same reason.
Have you ever ignored the voice of God? Have you ignored His small whispers? Have you continued to look past Him jumping up and down in front of you, waving His arms and screaming TURN AROUND DON’T DROWN?
See, this girl right here tends to ignore His voice for my very own selfish desires. This is how I have ended up in horrible marriages, friendships, financial situations, and anything else that was less than God.
When I trudge on selfishly, I don’t realize that my disobedience not only harms me but those around me. Every time I say “I’ll do that tomorrow, God,” I lose another day of my peace. When I am no longer walking in peace, I am no longer being a safe and peaceful place for others to find HIS peace.
Today it is all about where, when, what, and how. Where did I leave my peace? Where is the last place I felt at peace? Whenwas the last moment I felt at peace? What have I done and not done that made me step across that line of peace to chaos and confusion? From joy and enthusiasm to anger and regret? How do I find that peace again?
I know right now what the answer is for myself. The thing with this one is it involves another person. I allowed someone to step into my life that is not from God. I needed something that I should have been getting from God. This person was fulfilling a temporary need. I had the small voice at first. It was a check in my heart. It was questions that arose about the situation. Then,as I ignored that and was drawn in by my little ego being stoked with charm and laughter, the devil (peace robber) started sneaking in a little at a time.
This past month God started jumping up and down in front of me, waving His arms and screaming TURN AROUND DON’T DROWN. I was saying “Okay, one more text, one more FaceTime, one more day to not feel alone. I know, I know, God.I see all the warning signs!!! I will get out of this. Just give me more time. After all God I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings.” WHAT???? Someone else’s feelings is worth losing my peace?
BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES LOL! I am reading ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud and Townsend. Now to learn to implement them!
Okay so where did I leave my peace?!
I can tell you right now. I left my peace the same place I have way too many times. DISOBEDIENCE! I have made these same mistakes with my finances, jobs, friendships, dating relationships, and even marriage.
My God says His plans are to prosper me! His plans are not to harm me! Jeremiah 29:11. All I have to do is ask myself if this situation, this decision I am about to make, this friend I am inviting into my circle, this guy I’m “talking to”…is this going to prosper my life? Is this going to be a good plan? Or perhaps is THIS going to bring me harm?
If I ask these questions in my life and I don’t hear immediately and clearly then that’s when I pause and do nothing. It is okay to not make a decision until I hear clearly. This is when I need to slow down, hold off on that purchase, spend time with God to know what a true friend is, let Him be my mate so I know what real LOVE looks like and sounds like.
As I write this today, I know exactly what I need to do. While talking to my sister I remembered when I felt like this last. It was the same exact scenario. See, even though I know I am not ready to date someone, I have tried to step into that scene and it’s been a disaster each time. When I step back and look at this, I am at peace with just me and God.
How did I get myself in this mess? By looking at what others have that I don’t. By thinking I’m missing out on something instead of looking at what I already have. By thinking I need mankind to tell me I am enough. Do you know what this has done to me? It’s made me feel even less than I already did. It has made me lose my peace, my joy, my sanity lol.
Being real and being raw with my readers is not always easy. But it is worth it. If you are saying you have no peace, ask yourself “Where did I leave my peace?” God will show you! Be still with Him. Think about the last day you felt at peace. Then let Him show you what to do to step right back into His lovingembracing peace!
Dream Catcher 3:20