Single Life and what it looks like behind closed doors.
Social Media can be deceiving but for me I try to tell it all. There are those who frown on my openness but… IDC lol
I have had multiple marriages for which I struggle with shame over. Or instead of struggle I should say I am daily overcoming shame from. Jesus rescued me from shame and it is up to me to walk in that freedom. Sometimes my friends and family likes to poke fun of what husband was that, or how many times have you been married, blah blah blah….lol. I join in on the making fun of myself to hide the shame and embarrassment that I truly feel. I know they are just teasing, but it truly is a struggle for me.
Five husbands… No not me! Close enough lol but the woman at the well had 5 husbands and the one she was living with was not her husband. Jesus went to that well on purpose with a purpose! He went to let her know He loved her and she was forgiven. So He has the same forgiveness and love for me! He has the same for you as well.
I do a lot of social media posting and I post a lot of what I am doing in my day. I cook out, have fire pits, coffee outside by my outdoor heaters and even do some traveling, solo! I have a lot of fun even if it is by myself. I take myself out to movies and nice places to eat. I have a lot of likes and comments and even those married friends that say they are jealous lol. I spend time with my kids, grandkids and friends. I never have to answer to someone else’s schedule or needs. No one to complain about the sand in their clothes at the beach or the smell of smoke on their clothes. Sounds amazing huh?
Here are the other times I have as well. I sometimes cry because I have no one to tell about my day besides social media. Of course I have God but lets be real and honest… Sometimes a flesh human is really awesome. I have no one to cook my foods for that can enjoy it and tell me it taste yummy. No one to know if I made it home safe from my trips. No one to carry the financial load of the rent and help me with my dreams. So there are moments when those things overwhelm me. They are way less than the other moments, praise God. Even though they happen way less, they hurt so deep that it takes my breath away.
What do I do to overcome these moments? Hmm, well some are good things and some are bad lol. I pray, turn on Jesus jams, talk to a friend, watch a good movie or comedy, go somewhere fun or outdoors. Or… get on a dating site and scan for a cutie and get mad because well, very undesirable men approach me so I delete it. Of course this leaves me feeling worse than I did before lol. Listen to sad music, or cry like I said before.
Why am I telling y’all this information? Because Single Life is well, life. There are your ups and your downs. Christians and non Christians all have the same struggles. Singles and non singles all have things they struggle with. I wanted you to know that the we serve a God who understands our weaknesses. He gives us grace, mercy, forgiveness, strength and anything we might be lacking and need extra of.
I am not perfect but I serve one who is. I love my life but I have my pain and down moments. I always rise back up with Him holding me in His arms.
Do I want to always live the Single Life? No, yes, no, yes lol… It will take someone very special to make it a no! Someone who loves me with a past that they don’t care about. Someone who loves God so much that when I look at him I SEE Jesus. Someone who loves life, loves the things that make me feel alive and me. Someone who loves my family as their own. Someone who never ask me to be less than I am. So right now I described Jesus and that is who I have as a mate. So if He decides to hand my heart over to a man that belongs to Him, well it will be a no. Until that day it is a yes!!!!
I can not wait for all my solo Single Life adventures for 2020!