For sure NOT SOLO VACA

Wow I love my Jesus.

This morning I was sitting down to put my make up on before church, and I got all my answers.

For many many years, since I was a child… I have known God had great BIG plans for my life. Over the years of wrong mindsets, negative words and hurts that have built up, I have been scared to death of that BIG PLAN.

I have stepped out and dipped my toe and maybe even my foot in the water to try it out. You know like how you do when beginning of pool season starts???? Heck I may have even waded in part way and then freaked out and ran back out!

For so many years I have helped others with their call, goals and dreams. I pushed, pulled and promoted them anyway I could. But most of all I hid behind them. Say what you ask? See if I was helping them and not stepping out to my own big plans then I couldn’t really fail, stand out, or be responsible for that BIG PLAN.

Back to getting my answer. Well that’s it! LOL. this morning I heard it’s not the lifestyle and it’s not him your grieving. You no longer have anyone or anything to hide behind, that is what your grieving. It is your fear you are now having to face!

Even though what He showed me was hard truth it totally lifted something from me! I feel so rested and joyful.

I WILL DO IT EVEN IF I DO IT AFRAID!

I will DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING

I WILL DO IT DARING GREATLY!

I love all my encouraging podcast I listen to. Just sayin!!

If you need to read the process of all this on my vacation lol

http://dreamcatcher320.com/flying-solo-on-vaca/

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie

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Flying Solo On Vaca

So for sometime now I have been wanting to get back down to the coast. Take a few days and chill out and go see Round Top TX. I wanted to go there when I lived down in South Texas.

I planned the trip, asked multiple people to go with me and no one was able to. The first dates for the trip was on the anniversary date of when I left to come for a visit that turned into the end of my marriage. I decided that was just too much and so was going to the same beach. So I scheduled for this weekend and a different beach all together.

I have never taken a vacation solo before, but I accidentally paid for my hotel at Port Arthur for two nights. Or did I? Meaning was it really an accident or a trip God wanted to me take with Him and I?

I guess if that is the case then I really didn’t fly solo on this Vaca. In saying this, it is easier to say than to process and feel it.

This has been the most emotional trip I have ever taken in my life. I have posted my fun pictures on social media and I have enjoyed the trip but I was afraid to be too raw with my social media friends, for that matter any of my friends. See grief makes people uncomfortable and they want to fix you. They want to throw a Bible Verse at you or a positive quote and make it all poof away.

LOL for that matter so do I!

I think that is why this trip has been emotional for me. I cant make it all go away. I cant figure out why I still hurt so bad when I have a healing and loving Jesus living inside of me.

On this trip I have come to realize I am grieving way more than the loss of my husband through divorce. I am grieving a lifestyle, a place, a belonging. See for many years I have walked along side someone rather it was as in assisting their dreams, ministry, ranch work etc… or married to the “man of my dreams”. I had lots of travels, adventures, relationships and so much intertwined with my marriage.

I have been feeling like a lost puppy for about a year now. The first year I was too raw and broken to feel this way. I didn’t want to belong, or go around many people. Now I am trying to figure out where I belong, who my tribe is. I know I have my family, my children and precious grandbabies and that is amazing. See I am sort of a gypsy in ways. I love to move around and have adventures and my own little tribe of people to do so with. So now who, what, where, when lol

So much has gone through my mind this weekend, so many memories and prayers prayed this weekend. I may have allowed myself time to grieve the man, but not the life. Now I am at a new level and grieving that part of my loss. I know that it will all be okay if I just hold on while He orders my steps.

As I was traveling today from Port Arthur, to Round Top and then to Waco, I was in a lot of familiar locations. Places I had been with my ex husband to travel through or to do church services. I stopped in a town to use the bathroom and swore I saw him. I shook my head and laughed at my silly thought. After all I see him all the time in my heart and head with the memories. I got to my hotel couple hours later and thought I would look at his website and see where he was at this weekend, yes I still check on him and yes I know this doesn’t help my heart. I had not even looked at his website in awhile because it hurt too much. So I took a took and he was in Cameron TX today where I had just been. He was at a church down the road or an event doing a revival. Did I really see him or did I feel that connection so strong that I imagined it was him? I will never know for sure. The one thing I know for sure is my God knew that my heart couldn’t handle really knowing it was him and facing him head on. So He protected my heart today.

So the same God that did that for me today is the same God that will keep my heart as it heals. He is the same God that will show me where I belong, who I am with just He and I. He will give me my sense of belonging and fulfillment in what I have and do now. If it is to be more, He will show me the more.

As a new podcast I was listening to, said today I am going to just Do the Next Right Thing.. That will be my new motto until I have walked out this grief at the level I am at now. It will be my motto on days that I don’t know what to do next. It will be my motto on days that seem so overwhelming that I can not breathe.

I would say I didn’t take my vaca solo after all.. God and I had a lot of time to figure out what in the world was wrong with me lol. I am glad He loves me in my insanity.

Thanks for letting me be real and raw with y’all.

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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Starting over daily

I am sitting on my front porch this morning watching the amazing creation of my Papa God come to life. Each morning the sun rises and a new day starts over. I was thinking about how we get that same opportunity each day as well. For that matter we get that with each breath we take in and breathe out.

See my Papa God gives us forgiveness that happened already on the cross. All we have to do is accept it. So when we recognize we just messed up and sinned against Him, we take a breath in and breathe out that past mistake. Then we walk right back into the knowing of being His child and being forgiven. I do not know about you but I have to be reminded of this all the time.

I am in a place in my life where I am trying to find my place again. Ultimately my place is with HIM, as His daughter and servant. However, finding my place in the community, in friends, in my purpose, in a role as a mom and grandmother is not always easy. But I get to start each day over as I discover what is not my place and what is.

See for several years my place was a codependent person, always doing for others so I would never lose them in my life. Doing for others is a good thing unless the reasoning behind it is not healthy. As time and hurts have went by, I have broken that cycle. Breaking this cycle left me at a place of discovering what is healthy and where my place is in life. So each day I start over with what I have learned and where I am at in this area. I have to let go of those years I was not aware of my sins and addictions. This is not easy when I still see the residual effects left on others lives from my past. This is when I have to trust my Papa is their Papa and He will heal what I broke.

I also spent at least 6 years in ministry, traveling almost every weekend with others. A life I felt so apart of, and loved. When my marriage fell apart I also lost that part of my life. I was a little wore out with it when I first came back to Oklahoma so a rest was great. As time has gone on, I have started missing that life. So here I am now trying to figure out where I belong in this part of my world. I am starting over each day with new opportunities and I just need to open my eyes and recognize them.

The last two years I have been finding myself again. Somedays I do not like the self I have found, other days I feel so strong. I have compromised somethings trying to fit in, trying to numb my pain and empty feelings. BUT each day I see that my Papa says it is a new day so you get to start over. Some of those days I end up repeating a past day, but each day I make the right choices I know He says way to go baby girl. The days I do not start over the right way, He says you will get it tomorrow, just DO NOT QUIT BABY GIRL!!!

SO WHATEVER YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH I AM HERE TO TELL YOU

YOU GET TO START OVER! RIGHT NOW!

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT STOP STARTING OVER AND WALKING IN HIS NEWNESS EACH SECOND, EACH MINUTE, EACH HOUR AND EACH DAY!!!!

Dreamcatcher 3:20

Eph 3:20

Dream wild dreams

Live wild lives for Him

Cassie Gilman

Posted in Blog, Faith, Family, Goals, God, Healthy living, inspirational | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Tell Your Heart To Beat Again

Have you ever walked through a deep loss, hurt or disappointment?

I have. I have had times I thought my heart had stopped beating. I have felt I was literally holding my breath because I was afraid I would experience that level of pain again and I would literally die.

BUT GOD!

God is our heartbeat. He is the one who holds out broken hearts tears in a bottle.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This song has gotten me through so many tears. Read the words and then go listen to the song. It’s powerful.

Song by Danny Gokey

“You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
‘Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your

YOUR HEART WILL BEAT AGAIN!

Cassie G

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Protected: The story of my marriage

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Where did I leave my peace? 

Where did I leave my peace? 

 

I can kick off my NEW year, NEW month, NEW week or NEW day with so much enthusiasm and joy! What happens when your trudging along and all of a sudden you have lost your joy, your enthusiasm and most of all your PEACE? 

 

I started out this week so very excited. I was energized and full of joy. Friday arrived and I was nerve wrecked, irritable, filled with major anxiety and grumpy as all get out. Hmm what the heck happened?

 

As we were closing up our work day, I told my sister I was sorry I was grumpy. She said “Oh that’s nothing new.” I said wait what? Have I been grumpy? “You get like this,” she says and we began to discuss the last time I was this way and it was for the same reason. 

 

Have you ever ignored the voice of God?  Have you ignored His small whispers?  Have you continued to look past Him jumping up and down in front of you, waving His arms and screaming TURN AROUND DON’T DROWN?  

 

See, this girl right here tends to ignore His voice for my very own selfish desires. This is how I have ended up in horrible marriages, friendships, financial situations, and anything else that was less than God.

 

When I trudge on selfishly, I don’t realize that my disobedience not only harms me but those around me. Every time I say “I’ll do that tomorrow, God,” I lose another day of my peace.  When I am no longer walking in peace, I am no longer being a safe and peaceful place for others to find HIS peace.

 

Today it is all about where, when, what, and how. Where did I leave my peace? Where is the last place I felt at peace? Whenwas the last moment I felt at peace?  What have I done and not done that made me step across that line of peace to chaos and confusion?  From joy and enthusiasm to anger and regret? How do I find that peace again?

 

I know right now what the answer is for myself. The thing with this one is it involves another person. I allowed someone to step into my life that is not from God. I needed something that I should have been getting from God. This person was fulfilling a temporary need. I had the small voice at first. It was a check in my heart. It was questions that arose about the situation. Then,as I ignored that and was drawn in by my little ego being stoked with charm and laughter, the devil (peace robber) started sneaking in a little at a time. 

 

This past month God started jumping up and down in front of me, waving His arms and screaming TURN AROUND DON’T DROWN. I was saying “Okay, one more text, one more FaceTime, one more day to not feel alone. I know, I know, God.I see all the warning signs!!!  I will get out of this. Just give me more time. After all God I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings.” WHAT???? Someone else’s feelings is worth losing my peace?

 

BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES LOL!  I am reading ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud and Townsend. Now to learn to implement them! 

 

Okay so where did I leave my peace?!

 

I can tell you right now. I left my peace the same place I have way too many times. DISOBEDIENCE!  I have made these same mistakes with my finances, jobs, friendships, dating relationships, and even marriage. 

 

My God says His plans are to prosper me!  His plans are not to harm me!  Jeremiah 29:11. All I have to do is ask myself if this situation, this decision I am about to make, this friend I am inviting into my circle, this guy I’m “talking to”is this going to prosper my life?  Is this going to be a good plan?  Or perhaps is THIS going to bring me harm? 

 

If I ask these questions in my life and I don’t hear immediately and clearly then that’s when I pause and do nothing.  It is okay to not make a decision until I hear clearly. This is when I need to slow down, hold off on that purchase, spend time with God to know what a true friend is, let Him be my mate so I know what real LOVE looks like and sounds like.

 

As I write this today, I know exactly what I need to do.  While talking to my sister I remembered when I felt like this last. It was the same exact scenario. See, even though I know I am not ready to date someone, I have tried to step into that scene and it’s been a disaster each time. When I step back and look at this, I am at peace with just me and God. 

 

How did I get myself in this mess? By looking at what others have that I don’t. By thinking I’m missing out on something instead of looking at what I already have. By thinking I need mankind to tell me I am enough. Do you know what this has done to me? It’s made me feel even less than I already did. It has made me lose my peace, my joy, my sanity lol. 

 

Being real and being raw with my readers is not always easy. But it is worth it.  If you are saying you have no peace, ask yourself “Where did I leave my peace? God will show you!  Be still with Him. Think about the last day you felt at peace. Then let Him show you what to do to step right back into His lovingembracing peace!

 

Shalom 

 

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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The Empowering List

When you make a list of what you have done verses what you haven’t done 💥

I SURVIVED!! I set my goals last year on this day for 2018 When I set them I was still walking out a deep time of grief and healing. I look back now and see I really didn’t do most of what was on my list. BUT what did I do.

I survived loss of friends

I survived betrayal

I survived domestic violence

I survived uprooting and relocation

I survived a divorce

I survived broken dreams

I survived a life I had come to know day in and day out haunting to a total end

I spent 2018 doing what I needed to do to make 2019 the best year yet! I DID NOT GIVE UP AND QUIT.

2018 might have been a year of survival but 2018 will be a year of ARRIVAL!

Now 2019 look out! My words for 2019 are Refreshing and Inspiring!

#Aboveandbeyond #newyear #refreshninspire #lookout2019 #mendingfencesnhearts

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@dreamcatcher_320

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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Time is running out LET IT GO

The hour glass is running out as I am at the ending of another year in my life. Instead of hearing tick tock tick tock, I hear the words screaming in my head “LET IT GO”!  I need to let go of all the junk from days, weeks, months and even years of the past behind me. But how?

 

How does a person leave behind past failures, hurts, words and bad memories?  I am learning daily to do this very thing and it is not easy at all. I have found myself feeling irritable and angry for no reason. Hmmm, is that no reason or lots of reasons? I am realizing that I am carrying years of hurt, disappointments and even fear with me into each new day. So the question still remains: how do I change this?  

 

I am creating a safe place in my life to accept all the past hurts as just that…the PAST.  I am allowing myself to acknowledge my failures and those bad things that happened to me and because of me. What’s next?  What did I learn from them? Maybe I learned what my strengths were and my weaknesses. Maybe I learned what others strengths and weaknesses are. I have to look at the situations and the people involved in those past hurts and failures. After I have taken a long in-depth look at the situations and people involved, it’s time to ask myself if I need to take those same people with me into my future. The people we have in our lives may always go with us on some level because they are family or people we can’t avoid. However, are they VIP level or balcony level people?  Do you want them so closely involved in your life that they have access to continue to hurt you or maybe to have the fear they will?  Or do they belong up in the balcony level where they don’t have that direct access? Deeply evaluating these people will categorize them in their appropriate categories.

 

I am finding for myself to forgive those who hurt me I need to move some of them to balcony seats. Usually for me those are the ones who never make a life change to assure they will no longer continue the hurting. This way I assure myself once I’ve moved them to the balcony area I can then heal and forgive. 

 

Forgive!!!  What a word. I find this word sometimes impossible. But God tells me to do it and that ALL things are possible IN HIM!  So I am asking God to help me do the thing He tells me to do. The best way I am finding to do this is to change my thoughts. When something triggers the hurt, I have to think of something positive from that situation or person. I also find that saying out loud I forgive them helps immensely. For out of the mouth is where action starts. I have better things to do with my energy and heart. One very powerful thing I am doing to forgive me or others is pray!  Praying for the person that hurt me or for even myself assures God is for sure right in the middle of this process. 

 

I am going to spend the next few days of 2018 working on LETTING IT GO!  Leaving some hurts, failures, bad memoriesand disappointments in my past. 2019 will be filled with peace, love, joy, new memories and NO MORE FEAR! 

 

Acknowledge. Evaluate. Forgive. Pray.

 

I pray that what I am walking through will inspire you on your walk. 

 

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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One tiny BB creates one gigantic problem

So yesterday we was cleaning a house and sucked up a BB into the vacuum. Somehow that little tiny BB fell out of the hose and down into a space that seems impossible to get it out. Now the hose will not go back into its connector therefor the vacuum can not serve its full purpose!!

Hmm can you already see where I’m going with this tiny little BB story?

This morning as I was already trying to stay out of panic mode when my grandsons birthday cupcakes fell through lol now I have this BB issue. I loaded up my vacuum and headed on a mission to fix the problem no matter the cost. Oh the same on the cupcakes as well lol. My cupcake maker has a sick baby and so best to get some made elsewhere.

I ran by the the vacuum repair shop to find they was not open yet at 9 am! GOOD time to go to the bakery and order my cupcakes. I ordered my cupcakes 🧁 and had one issue solved. Now back to this tiny little pain called a BB. I took the vacuum in and he says there’s no way to get that out unless he takes it all the way apart. He continues to tell me since he is doing that he will clean it inside and out so it will perform better.

You with me yet? Bet you know where I’m heading with this!!!

I am currently sitting in a cafe evaluating why my life isn’t fitting exactly into place. Why I don’t feel I am serving my full purpose and potential! I began to think of this tiny BB causing such major issues. I wonder how many tiny BB’s are stuck in areas of my life that don’t belong? Tiny mindsets, tiny attitudes, tiny little sins that are causing great big issues!!!

Today I am asking God to do a service call on my heart and mind! Clean me inside and out and remove tiny obstacles from my heart and life! You see when a vacuum is serviced it has full potential and power back again! With God I want to walk in His power and purpose in my life.

Well I went there!!! I know y’all some this coming probably before I did lol

It’s amazing what one tiny BB spoke to my heart. $100 later I will have cupcakes and a like new vacuum! It will cost me as well spiritually, mentally and maybe even others areas to clean up my life. Time with God, time to heal, time to learn and time to mature. I just have to be willing to pay the price! After all HE DID! He’s already done the hard part!

Love y’all

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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Time To Jump Into The Deep End!

I am not a good swimmer at all. I can wade out into the deep with a float device but never ever jump into the deep. The deep water totally intimidates me.

I have been thinking about how the float device never lets me down no matter how deep I ease myself into the water. I wonder why I can’t trust that same device to just jump feet first into that same deep water?

There are times in life when God eases us into the deeper things and times when He says JUMP NOW! What if I was on a sinking ship and the captain was yelling jump now and I froze up? So what if God is saying jump now and I’m in a total state of fear and frozen in place. The ship is sinking and Cassie is drowning in her fear!

I have been struggling with my fear and trust lately. I have been grasping for air and acting as if I was drowning while wearing my safety float! God has never let me down! God will never let me drown in the deep!

Last night I woke up thinking about how I want to be so secure in my safety and security in GOD that I’m not moved by my surroundings. I want to eat and mingle with those who most wouldn’t and enjoy the fellowship but not be like them. I want to be out in the world to show them love with out letting the world dominate me. I want to go so deep in God that I can stand out in a crowd that is not like me with out fear of rejection.

Over the last month I have been thinking about the plans God has for me, the dreams I have for bigger things in God, and that He has for me. I have been so afraid of failing at them that I have been frozen in place. I have been so afraid to let go of the old hurts and disappointments because that might leave room for new ones! These are all trust issues! I am ready to JUMP INTO THE DEEP! I am ready to trust the same God who’s been with me from the shallow calm waters to the deep raging waters all of my life!

I love these verses I found last night about how I will be changed and ready for the deep! It’s not by me struggling but by me EMBRACING HIS LOVE! All I need to do is live my ordinary everyday life for HIM!

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Who’s ready for the deep with me?

Love y’all

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

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